The concept of value...

Its 3 a.m in the morning, and my brain is screaming. Nerve endings are raw, and my eyes need to be stapled to my eyebrows to keep me awake. I decide to make my 3772^nd cup of coffee, and run into my quadie in kitchen. Said quadie is in a similar state, and is stirring his sugar in what must be his zillionth cup of coffee. I flop into the easy with my coffee and switch the TV on.

We see muscled hero in Hawaiian shirt, in the poignant moment when he is about to kiss statuesque colleague for the first time. BRRRINNGGGGG.. the phone rings, an impending crisis is announced, and off go Muscles and Apollo to save the world. Apollo find herself in dangerous situation, gets rescued by Muscles, both coming this close to losing life and limb, emerge scathed but alive. In each other arms, post-crisis, they kiss languorously and tumble into bed to make mad passionate love. Show ends. The credits start rolling.

All in ten minutes flat. My coffee cup is empty. So is my quadie’s. Not a word has been exchanged. Not a channel changed. Not a break sat through. A perfect moment. I wait for a minute to savour it and then say “That was good, huh?”.

Quadie knows exactly what I am saying. He grins “Total Value.”.

B-school.

Regression fit - The Noise factor for obscuring romantic relationships

Three hundred and fifty people at the ISB – and almost eighty women. So you’ve gotta have some sizzle goin, right?

Spot on. But its too early in the course for couples to be too brazen about it. The budding romance might not stand the glare of rabid attention. So couples stoop to impossible levels of discretion to camouflage their sex lives.

So how DOES one spot these couples? Heck –this is B-school! So what do you do when you are in doubt? Regress!!

(For the non-statisticians and non-B-schoolers, Regression is the legalized version of “stoned” behavior - seeing patterns where none exist - Editor)

So what you do is this – you compile the data for people arriving at the dining hall together, look for patterns of two people arriving at and leaving at the same time, assign highest weightage for early breakfast arrivals (go figure!), progressively lower weightage to arrivals toward lunchtime, and again progressively higher weightage to people going for coffee, early dinner, a dip in weightage for busy dinner time, and again higher weightage for later dinnertimes.

Regress – presto! – you have spanking new data on the hottest and newest couples on campus!!!! Coming from a block that has , on an average 2 IITians per quad, further analysis has inevitably shown the following R² interpretations -

(Again for you illiterates R² – being a measure of fit – in simpler terms – a measure of how much the pattern obscures the dots you used to make the pattern in the first place)

· 19% and above - A “new” couple – high on momentum and rosy-cheeked love. The gastronomic data equivalent (this is dining hall data, remember?) of the “can’t-keep-hands-off-each-other” phase.

· 14%-18.99% - Phase II – not yet naming their kids, but already into “you know your underarms stink” mode

· 11-13.99% - A “mature couple” - true sign of a relationship that’s ageing well. Probably indicates a five year plan that includes choice of school kids will go to.

This is all ridiculously “intuitive” – you might say. Now the IITian infested paparazzi team bring in game theory – Couples know they are couples. Couples also know people in all their morbid curiosity wanna know every gory detail of the relationship. Couples also know that Regression is the only tool the paparazzi can use (I DID warn ya– This IS B-school, mate!). So what do couples do ? Add Noise!!! (You were wondering about the low R² factors, weren’t ya?) (Noise and R² being opposing concepts – it is explained by the exact opposite of the R² explanation a few lines above. More dots than pattern. Thud.)

So Noise, huh? Yup! Couples add more noise by doing your best to be seen with as many different people as you can..or if they think they’re really smart, they add another pattern altogether by being seen with another chick/dude. But I am guessing this one is like all smart-aleck approaches, it probably brings in a set of problems that Mr./Ms. Smart-Aleck hadn’t bargained for!

As our non-resident evangelist economist says “go forth and shift those graphs!”

PS: IPR for the concept - in collaboration with Reverend Shankar, Smoker Sandy and Regressor Raj,

Of other B-Blogs

Really..i’ve no idea why you would want to read the drivel that I write… but I’ve set up some stuff for the really deranged folks who wanna get a real idea of how B-life is like. For the guys in need of serious help, check Vijay’s bottle of perspective. I started reading this blog when it was really young – and I am amazed at how much he has scaled up his unique perspectives on B-school into a genuine effort to help out while still taking you gently into B-life and wrapping you gently around each of his ideas. He leans towards the soapy side of B school life – (read no sex!) - but is thoroughly readable.

For a deeper “insight” into how mentally buggering B-life is – do read Hitchhiker’s guide to B school – and take yourself on a mad journey into the tortuous convolutions that a B-mind goes through. It’s much like the Guide - thoroughly entertaining – and about as helpful. He makes cryptic references to people every now and then – but trust me – that’s just noise. Although It’s got generous references to beer One thing that really comes through in this one is the sheer agony of B-school - so definitely not for the faint hearted.

I have also added another link to Nishant's journal - and this one is to reassure you - that introspection can survive at B-school. He switches almost schizophrenically from intense personal delvings to gentle banter. He's another one for cryptic initials to refer to people - and although i am not big on it - it probably means avoiding a lot of "how-could-yous?" at the breakfast table.

Have fun.

About Class participation..

We have this novel concept called Class participation, where you are supposed to throw insightful comments being discussed in class. CP being graded by professors through hawk eyed TA’s, “Insightful” tends to be not the operative word. I am going to digress every now and then and throw a little tidbit from our CP classics.

Here’s one to start with – Our Leadership Professor (might sound like an oxymoron – and it is) poses” IN the first 4000 years of civilization, there were two predominant instincts  - SURVIVAL aaaaannnd PROCREATION. Until something happened to modify this behaviour. What do you think it is?”

Student  … ”Globalization?”

B-School, I tell you.

Term 2: In the wrong places

B-School is fascinating academically…for the most part…but every now and then you find yourself running up against it. Professors steeped deeply in research deliver smug monologues on how businesses are run and how they ought to be run.
Heck - if there’s a problem, then there must be an amiable equation round the corner just waiting to bail you out.

Life’s unpredictability can be regressed out… A resource crunch can be optimized away… or hey worst case…let’s just simulate unpredictability ..predictably. Like I said its fascinating stuff – and I can’t wait to get back into the real world and try my new toys out. (Smirk Smirk!)

But wait –who said B school was about number crunching? We have leadership and values too. All neatly categorized, chaptered and bulleted. Pick whichever suits your fancy. They all lead the same way anyway.

There’s some more riveting stuff I’ve simply gotta tell you ..but its late, and I’ve a Entrepreneurship class - complete with live entrepreneur – in about four hours. More tomorrow.

Term 1 ..and the delusion of Academic Competence

"GMAT scores translate into B school academic performance." I swear. Its on the net. And its crap. The watchword is "relative grading". If you aren't one of the aliens who dream in numbers, "fugged aboud id" (pronounce that like Hugh Grant tryin to talk like a Mafia don). Another altogether more comforting notion is "Placements have nothing to do with grades unless you wanna get into consulting or I-Bankin'." Well..you're gonna have to wait for another six months before i shed any light on that one.

For now, I am content not to do anything to either confirm or dispel it.

Still starting?

I am stoned. My brain stopped functioning a month ago. I have become a mindless nerd. Stripped of my attitude and what I thought I knew, I am apparently on my way to "transformation". But let me start from the beginning...

I used to have this visual image of what an MBA looks like. And i think the word that springs to mind is suave. A well-dressed, well groomed male speaking quietly yet confidently on topics ranging from derivative pricing to the myth of free sexuality in Osho's philosophy.

Me -I am anything but suave. Coming from a chicken farmin' family (not really but i love the image it conjures), I am at best a "hustler". And as all hustlers yearn, I want to be "sva--aaave " someday. (Weird how life refuses to let us be happy with what works, and instead crave what looks good.) To cut a longish story short, I winged my way into B -school spewing all the right jargon - Challenge, Opportunity and Actualization. I pictured myself sitting in the sunlight at the cafe on the wi-fi campus tapping away $$B-plans on my laptop.

Well .. B school hit me hard. In the wrong places.

A starter..

Its strange how you get used to seeing your words in print. Its stranger how bloody addictive it is. So here i am - on my third blog. And guess what - this one is gonna be a tabloid. If you are in the mood for something more abstract (read if you are really stoned out of your skull) read spewnotes.

I am at school - B-school if you will - or if you really will - the graveyard of abstraction. Hence really starved for spew thought. This here is a colony of weedy, jargon-devouring organisms who believe nirvana as a post-retirement plan. Its all about the money, ladies and gentlemen, and where is such refreshing lack of pretentiousness, life is inevitably fun.

Welcome to the last word in social experiments - B -School.